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All About Gratitude
Every night when I put my toddler to bed, we say a prayer after the stories are read and the lights go out. Mostly it's just me talking, making a list of all the things we have to be grateful for. It's pretty ordinary stuff, she's a toddler after all. It's our family, the activities of the day, our having enough to eat and a warm, safe home to live in. I have to admit, I didn't have a daily gratitude practice before she was born, although gratitude has been part of what I think of as my spiritual life for many years.
I've heard a lot of people say how grateful they are for their children, but I could never truly appreciate this until our daughter was born. It's the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, literally beyond my ability to adequately express. And I can hardly believe we get to bring another child into the world — appropriately, right around Thanksgiving day.
Gratitude is actually a big part of a relatively new field within psychology. It's called Postive Psychology, and one of the area's pioneers, Robert Emmons, described it this way to me:
Gratitude appears to be the quintessential positive trait... Much of human life (and seemingly the lives of other species) is about giving, receiving, and repaying benefits. Gratitude is an essential emotional and motivational link in this dynamic cycle of reciprocity. Without memory of having benefited from others, the motive to do good — to be generous, compassionate and forgiving — would be considerably diminished. As a famous sociologist once stated, gratitude is the moral memory of mankind.
What are you grateful for? What difference have these people — or objects or experiences — made in your life? Do you have a gratitude practice? Is it related to your religious or spiritual tradition? Do you do specific things to encourage gratitude or appreciation in your children? If so, why is raising a child with gratitude important? What have you found most helpful?
Editor's Note: This conversation was pre-recorded before Thanksgiving. We will not be taking calls, but we encourage the conversation to continue, robustly, online. Thank you!
GUESTS:
- Lynne Smouse Lopez: Pastor at Ainsworth United Church of Christ
- Will Deming: Chair of the Department of Theology at the University of Portland
- Philip Watkins: Gratitude researcher, professor at Eastern Washington University
- Christine Carter: Sociologist, blogger and happiness expert at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley
Tagged as: children · gratitude · mental health · psychology · religion
Photo credit: bitzcelt / Creative Commons
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The wisdom of the world religions can be distilled down to this:
It's impossible to be grateful and unhappy at the same time.
My practice is to count my blessings at least once a day. Twice on Sundays.Growing up I liked Thanksgiving more than Christmas.
At Thanksgiving dinner we had a ritual of holding hands and going around the table and saying something we were grateful for.
it was good to be surrounded with simple appreciation. -
There is one other thing that I believe is common to all the world's religions, thx:
That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole law; the rest is explanation; go and learn.
I have seen it variously printed with the word "commentary" substituted for "explanation," but I think the meaning is the same either way.
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This comment has been removed by the TOL staff.
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Many people are paranoid about energy, energy conservation and energy self sufficiency. There is a lot to be thankful for in America despite the pessimism.
New Natural Gas technology has rediscovered domestic reserves to be able to last 180 - 200 years at current usage rates.
Our Coal reserves are projected to last over 250 years at current use rates. We are the Saudi Arabia of Coal with the world's largest reserve. If only we can achieve Clean Coal Technology.
The largest suppliers for Uranium fuel are Canada, Australia and the United States, containing nearly half of the world's reserves. Nuclear power reserves could last for THOUSANDS of years.
Oregon is the Saudi Arabia of Hydro Electric Power Generation. The Bonnevile Power Admin generates 80% of its power by Hydro Electricity and supplies 90% of the State of Oregon by area. It has been doing it for over 80 years. Thom Edison only invented the electrical industry one hundred years ago.
Oregon CAN be the Saudi Arabia of Wood Power Generation, a renewable, carbon neutral source.
Oregon will have the world's largest Windfarm at Shepherd's Flat, currently under construction and scheduled to come on line in 2012.
Oregon has active volcanoes(Like Mt St Helens), hot springs, and even unlimited hot water utilities in some cities like Klamath falls. There is a potential for geothermal.
Solar? Maybe California or a sunnier state should take the lead.
Wave Energy? Ocean waves are too powerful and the coast is too hostile maintain delicate engineering. Prove me wrong.
Oregon has NO potential for Off Shore Oil Drilling. Mixed Blessing since we do not risk a Gulf Spill.
We lack petroleum fuel oil. We have abundant Carbon Free, Green Energy in Hydro Electric. We may need to invest in electric cars. And Peak Oil is now projected to be 2020.
If anything, we could aim for self sufficiency or even be an energy exporter like Saudi Arabia. We have to be imaginative. Energy is not our problem.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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Mt St Helens is in Washington
I am thankful for our frredom of speech and the tea party
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. -
That is not your own writing, it is the work of someone else, and it is wrong of you to post it without proper attribution like some plagiarizing thief:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desiderata
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THANK YOU, Tom! Anyone who has been around here for more than a day or two would recognize the radical difference between that and Vitalpac's usual diatribes!
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Mt Hood is an active volcano in Oregon.
The last serious eruption was in the 1790, with minor activity reported in the mid-1800's. I was not an I witness but that's what I've been told.
I am thankful it has not erupted while I've been living nearby.
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Not only is Mt. Hood (in Oregon) an active volcano, but many of the peaks in the Cascade Range (not only in Oregon, but in Washington and British Columbia, as well) are volcanic peaks, including the Three Sisters. They may be dormant (sleeping) but we saw at 8:32 am, Sunday, May 18, 1980 all too well what can happen when a sleeping volcano wakes up. Harry Truman (not the former President) and 56 others could tell you (if they were able to be brought back from the great beyond) what it is like to be in the middle of a volcanic eruption.
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Tom and Penny >. well
EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!. TOM I RAN OUT OF ROOM TO POST THE SOURCE, CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?? AND PENNY >. DONT BE SUCH A HATER.
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PENNY >. DONT BE SUCH A HATER. -- VITALPAC — Tue Nov. 23rd 3:02p.m.
Don't be such a hater? I beg your pardon! I'm not the one posting caustic comments and hateful remarks, Vitalpac! Best check the log in your own eye before trying to address the speck in the eyes of others.
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Penny, I guess the positive side of it is that even a person who spews such nasty rascist stuff and other hatefilled comments as he does has an appreciation for the beauty of that writing. Like Anne Frank said that she believed that there is some good in everyone.
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No formal gratitude practice. When the going gets tough I acknowledge the things that have gone well and the good people I've been blessed with. Or I do something for someone else. Or I donate money to a cause.
My focus is to be more thankful every day and every breath. I'm grateful when I manage to be more humble and less full of me, myself and I.
If feeling particularly churlish I write down all the cute and good things I can think of until I start feeling ill or I start giggling. Aroma therapy. Strawberry champagne. Hello Kitty. Tiptoeing through the tulips. Grilled Spam and cheese [samiches]....
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Criticism comes in TWO flavors:
1 Negative, Destructive Criticism.
2. Positive, Constructive Criticism.
Type One is fueled in part by anger and shows weakness and emotion rawness of the critic. Yet is is easy and helps vent.
Type Two is harder to construct and requires some understanding of the diagnosis of a problem, judgement about interventions, and available remedies. IT requires patience, long term thinking and being able to think at least two steps ahead. IT is Trying to improve a situation.
Our society suffers from TOO MUCH NEGATIVE UNCONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. We need more pragmatism.
We need more positive stories that have implications for improvement and change. Actionable Intelligence-- not Hollow Pep, not Pie in the Sky nor Whistling in the Grave Yard. Untactful quips or rejoinders are pointless as a broken pencil.
If there is a problem, also suggest a solution. And we have problems that will fill a nation.
That is the challenge of being Thankful in 2010. Eat turkey, but then get down to solving problems in our families, in our community and in our nation.
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I'm grateful for:
A tolerant wife; a wicked-smart and healthy son; a helpful mother-in-law; parents who raised me by constantly challenging me to achieve; good neighbors and a fulfilling career.
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I am thankful for:
A partner whom I love very much and she loves me;
Parents that care about me (My Dad, My Late Mom, and My Stepmom);
Having people around me that I can count on to help me stay physically and mentally healthy;
A sharp mind that I can use to solve puzzles, even if solving the greatest problems of society are beyond my ability;
Friendly Neighbours
And the thoughtful community that I am just a small part of here on Think Out Loud!
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I find it a major contradiction to show "gratitude" by over-consuming and wasting so much food. As such, I have decided to fast for Thanksgiving this year, to express my gratitude for having so much while so many people in the world cannot feed themselves or their children.
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As I listen to the show this morning, there are some lovely things being said about gratitude. It is disappointing, however, how much this is being connected to religion, as if only the religious understand what gratitude means. I have been very grateful many times in my life, and expect to continue to be grateful, and never once was God a part of that.
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Gratitude is a human trait, so teaching and promoting gratitude is Humanism.
Religionists like to wrap up their belief in the supernatural in the positive things of Humanism, like gratitude, love, respect, the Golden Rule, charity, etc, in order to make their belief in the supernatural look good and be acceptable.
Religion is only a belief in a supernatural being, everything else that they wrap around their "Religion" is Humanism. All of the songs, rituals, buildings, traditions, clothing, etc, are man-made and so are Humanism.
And I can applaud and support the Positive things of Humanism.
A Religionist without the wrappings of Humanism looks pretty, ... well, I'll leave that image up to your own imagination.
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i woke up this morning so very truly deeply thankful for NPR. i'm sitting here enjoying their recorded piece on gratitude, so i thought i would log-on here and join the positive discussion.
however, positive is not what i found. this being my first interaction with this forum, i will participate more in the future before forming a firm opinion, but i'm still disappointed today.
i naively expected to find listener discussions as balanced and educated and enjoyable as the programs themselves. instead, i found childish exchanges that distracted from the blessings of this day and NPR.
shame.
to everyone else posting beautiful uplifting things they are grateful for...THANK YOU for touching my life today, Happy Turkey Day! :)
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AND THANK -YOU FOR THE BELLY LAFF
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In the spirit of American Rugged Individualism and Competitiveness:
"I'm more grateful than you are!"
Just kidding, I really like the people who cooperate for the common good of all.
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Re: Kid's entitlement
In part, I blame a shift in kids' entertainment for their growing sense of entitlement. The main characters never have to achieve anything anymore.
Disney films always feature a main character who is somehow 'special' from birth, and it is always the fault of the inept grownups around that main character that his or her special abilities are not recognized. Harry Potter is another example of this trend.
Compare to the Pixar films, where the main characters have to really work to accomplish something.
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It would be appropriate for someone to provide a source for examples of how to teach children gratitude, the processes, etc.
I would guess that one way to start is to give the child something and ask them how it makes them feel, and then ask if they would like to give that same feeling to someone else, a friend or family member, or even some they don't know who looks mentally down. It seems like you would teach giving and receiving at the same time and connect them both to the feelings of gratitude.
I wonder what experiments have been tried by the Positive Psychology folks, what works and what doesn't. And if they have developed a program of effectively teaching both children and adults.
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My religious tradtions (Pagan and Buddhist) defenitely teach and help me in the gratitude department. We are taught to enjoy and be thankful for the good in the moment, because the moment is always impermanent. We see beauty and fullfilment wherever we can and in outside the box places.
I am thankful for my children, that I was able to unschool. I am thankful for food banks, willing hands and hearts. Medicine. The seasons. :)
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I am thankful none of you libs are thankful for COMMUNIST North Korea .. which if you think about it: is the end result of the liberal, government controlled," to those according to their needs",Godless world you all think is so wonderful.
AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME
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I come not to quote Vitalpac, but to refute him. (Apologies to Will Shakespeare for the mis-quote.)
Gee, Vitalpac, I don't recall any of us saying that we didn't believe in God, in some form or another -- whether it is the Hindu's Ganesh, the Jewish Yahweh, or the Muslim Allah, the Egyptian's Ra, or even the Christian Jehovah, I suspect that many of the contributors to this forum believe in some form or variation of deity, whether they have a name for Her, Him, or It. Even the Pastafarians have the Flying Spaghetti Monster to believe in.
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Comments are now closed.
It is a whole different way to live.
Imagine a mind experiment, like Einstein used to do:
Instead of one day per year of Thanksgiving, 364 days days of living in gratitude, and then only one day of being ungracious. 364 days of treating all of your friends and family like you love, value, and appreciate them and only one day of being grumpy and ungrateful.
Another mind experiment:
Instead of only one day per year, Christmas, of being generous and loving, 364 days of sharing with your friends and family when you have excess bounty and share it when you can and only one day when we celebrate greed and all of the other deadly sins and downside of our politics and economy.
I have tried living both of those mind experiments, not always with success but it is a really different attitude and way to live. But I was just one, and it seems odd to most people. I'd like to see more people try those experiments a few more days per year.