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Bullying in School
You may have been hearing about school bullying more than usual lately. Much of the recent media attention has focused on gay bullying and the recent spate of gay teen suicides. We touched on Portland author Dan Savage's anti-bullying response to those suicides in a show we did last week. But bullying affects school kids for a variety of reasons, and in nearly every grade.
Morgan Russell can attest to that. She hated going to school — not the school work or the learning — just physically being at school. She says she was bullied from elementary thorugh high school, with the worst bullying in middle school. She was physically attacked, shoved, tripped, called names and followed. Her family was not supportive. She says she contemplated suicide, and if it weren't for her relationship with one or two people, she may not have made it.
Russell is now 47-years-old. She lives in La Grande, far away from her Chicago school district where her bullying took place. But she says she still carries the emotional scars with her to this day.
Were you bullied as a child? Were you a bully? Is your child involved in bullying? How did you handle it? How is it affecting your family? How effective is the anti-bullying program that your school offers?
GUESTS:
- Ben Nally: 17-year-old high school senior at Hockinson High School in Washington
- Emily de la Cruz: Associate Professor of Education at Portland State University
- Joan Duffell: Executive director of the Committee for Children
- Morgan Russell: Bullied in school, partner of a bullied child
- Suzanne Dixon: Bullied and was bullied in middle school
Tagged as: bullying · education · sexual identity
Photo credit: nasrulekram / Creative Commons
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I was perceived different since I was 10 years old, growing up in a rural town of 450 people in the midwest during the 60's. Kids threw rocks at me, called me names and even though I dated girls, (as modeled by my older sisters), they still bullied me. In 10th grade, I moved to another community 90 minutes away of 2000 residents. Boys verbally harassed me and twice during my junior year, I was chased out of my own town, as a group of boys began following my car. I was scared to death, fearling for my life. The name calling was endless because I dressed differently, even though I had a girlfriend.
As an educator, I worked in the Beaverton district for 22 years before retiring in June. In the early 90's after reporting to the vice principal that a 9th grader called me a faggot. Her response was, "Well that's what he thinks you are!" End of story. The student was not consequenced. Two years ago while working at Southridge High School, one of our open senior lesbian students was seriously and disgustingly harassed before math class had begun. As the GSA (Gay Straight Alliance club) advisor, she came to me in tears and was a complete wreck, as she told me how she was bullied by this underclassman. This young woman was afraid of him for weeks and weeks. Even though I pressed hard to get the vice principal to suspend him, he denied it. His suspension was three days with no apology. Shortly after this incident, as I was passing an unknown student who was working on an office computer, I heard him say "Fu**#ing faggot!" I asked him about his comment, which he denied saying, so I reported him to an administrator. The young man never apologized but was given three days supspension. I never felt safe when I saw him in the halls. Teachers reported his behavior never changed.
(Part two will be submitted)
Rich
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(Part 2 from Rich)
Several weeks later during the annual superintendent's visit to the school, I reported these stories to the principal and the superintendent in private. What happened next, still blows me away. They both stood up after my sharing these events as the superintendent said, "Aren't we suppose to go have lunch in the teachers lunchroom? Where is it located Amy?" I was left standing in the principal's office alone, feeling totally dismissed and even less safe in that school. Several staff members felt the homophobia, many left the bulding, but the topic was never discussed.
I worked weekly for five years at Southridge as the GSA advisor and helped students advocate for themselves or report bullying when it occurred. They heard this stuff daily. At least we had a safe space for these kids, who were largely female. Our high school boys are largely still in the closet and do not want to be identifed with this club, probably for fear of being bullied if they came out. Many of the girls had identified numerous closeted boys in the school. Being called gay, whether real of perceived gay for a boy, is the worst form of bullying. It occurs numerous times a day in middle schools, high schools and now elementary schools.
In a 2007 SRHS School Climate survey, that looked at: race, gender, socio-economics, religion, perceived handicap, age and homophobia, we found that 83% of the student population NEVER stood up for someone who was bullied or harasssed. Very little was done to address these typical high school behaviors, which occur throughout the country, not just in the Beaverton School District. When I asked to do a follow up study in the spring of 2010, someone at the district office rejected it, therefore we were not allowed to gather an updated set of data. So, we don't know if things have changed at all. Respecting everyone has not been a priority in my opinion, due to the complaints of the Beaverton conservative religious community, who refuse to believe that the staff should address these issues. They do not want their student to be exposed to gays or lesbians, or anything that sends the message that this population exists and should be treated with respect.
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( Part 3 conclusion from Rich)
On the Day of Silence in the spring, a few families have kept their students out of school or they show up wearing "Straight Pride" shirts. There is so much work to be done. With the several male teen sucides that recently occurred in our country, due to endless bullying, I recently offered to help the district. I was dismissed with a brief, "Hope you are enjoying your retirement," email. We all need to find our voice and the time is NOW.
(Contact me if you want to talk more, Think Out Loud staff.)
Rich Matkins
2010 Oregon GSA Advisor of the Year
2010 Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (GLSEN) top five Educator of the Year.
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Bullying is not something that just happens to Gays and Lesbians. And there is actually a lot of support for them.
I think we need to address bullying and the causes of it from a much larger perspective. Don't make it a me against them thing.
Also it is kinda disturbing your statements. "Many of the girls had identified numerous closeted boys in the school. Being called gay, whether real of perceived gay for a boy, is the worst form of bullying." That seems like bullying itself, to say that one can identify someones sexual appetites and call them closeted. How is it any of anybodies bussiness but the individual?
Let just all give each other some space. And not be so quick to categorize people.
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I do think, however, that the bullying I endured as an adolescent would have been just that much worse had I disclosed that I self-identified as a transgendered person when I first knew it (about age 12).
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Think about the King Solomon teaching "Spare the rod and spoil the child", in relation to bullying.
What a role model. The King of child abuse, ... and bullying.
I suggest that the term "Wise King" was written by a political flack like Ari Fleischer was for G W Bush, because Solomon has ended up being very un-wise in his advocacy of child abuse.
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As the mother of an openly gay young man, I can tell you that bullying is an all too often occurence for my son. Middle School was absolute hell for him. He was bullied on a regular basis. In 7th grade, he was attacked by a class mate and beaten to the point of hospitalization for being a "fag". I wish I could say things have gotten better. In some ways they are just by virtue of the fact we are now having dialogues about it. But he still gets "fag" and "gay" comments, and has even been spit on on the max.
My son attempted suicide, but by the grace of God (and YES my God that I know and believe in also loves MY son) he survived and is still fighting to make the world a better place through the organizations like SMYRC and the QRC st Portland State.
As an educator, I see all kinds of bullying based on sexual orientation, religion, race and intellect. The wounds are horrible and life changing. We must find a way to stop the abuse that some young people face every single day of their lives. We cannot turn our backs on so many bullied children. No child deserves to be treated so horrendously! BE PART OF THE SOLUTION! Talk, talk, TALK about bullying and its horrible ugly devastation and casualties. Stand up for all of humanity.
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One of the root causes of 'bullying' is the depersonalization that happens in the large schools we have. No body belongs anywhere. Everyone is stressed out by all the other people and stuff going on. Bells ringing at least every 50 minutes, lots and lots of kids rushing through halls to get to the next place they need to be for the next 50 minutes and this is repeated 5, 6, 7 times a day with a different adult with different rules and expectations in front of them each time.
There is no relationships built because there isn't any time for it. The system is set up like a factory. Human beings are treated like you can just dump information into them. If you treat humans with no dignity and not worth knowing they learn that. Bullying is what happens when the society's veneer wears thin.
We are getting more super large schools, the outcome will be more bullying. It's sad I know and the people in charge know too. Cliques and football teams are just slightly tamer versions of street gangs. In seeking to belong somewhere they have to hate the outsider to protect their status.
Parents need to not support a school system that does this to human beings. If enough parents just say no to the system it will change but if we keep sending our kids into what ever they offer it will not change.
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When I was three years old I got hit over the head with a hammer because I didn't speak English.
I was born in New York City in 1934. When I was one, my family went back to Norway and stayed there for about a year. Then we returned to New York.
In Norway I remember that kids played pretty happily together. Not so in New York. Speaking only Norwegian, I tried to join some older kids and got hit with a hammer.
It seemed to me then that America was a violent place, and I still think so.
Every big boy was once a small boy who maybe got bullied. Then they take it out on others.
Why is America so violent? I think the main reason is Americans came to this part of the world as conquerors, and they still think like conquerors. It's like the air they breathe.
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The mention of the role of schools in bullying is dead on. It's often a Lord of the Flies situation in some schools, and all it takes is for the behavior to be ignored... then it flourishes. As an unschooling family we have seen the difference between schooled kids and non-schooled kids time and time again. There is far less bullying, hurtful teasing, aggression, and competition.
Bullying isn't just about creating fear in a victim. It all starts with the fear and lack of self confidence in the bully personally. The need to control, frighten, manipulate, and dominate someone else starts with fear.
If we want to help end bullying we need to rethink the way we raise children. We need to change the way we talk to and discipline/guide kids. A child is first shaped by his family at home. What are they seeing?
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The key to stopping bullying lies primarily with school administrators & teachers, and to a lesser extent with parents.
When I was severely bullied (physically & sexually assaulted) in Jr. High School, the teachers knew & did nothing under the excuse that “boys will be boys”. The principal openly tolerated bullying as he believed that surviving such abuse would “make a man out of you”. Such blatant condoning of violence should be considered criminal negligence under the law wherever it is not already a crime.
The parents in turn must always err on the side of believing & supporting their children. My parents were very polite & reserved people who insisted that I “must have done something to provoke those boys”. Their dismissal of my trauma hurt worse than the violence itself. For mercy’s sake, believe & help your children !!
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It would help, also, if the Administrators would adopt the attitude of believing the person who says they are being bullied, rather than assuming that since the bully (or bullies) are part of a group that backs each other up, then may be the bullies would get suspended for a change. (Similar attitude to that modeled on L&O:SVU when someone reports a rape...the detectives believe them and advocate for them.)
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So true! It's vital that parents and educators take these things very seriously.
Another important thing is that bullying has such far reaching consequences. It doesn't only touch one victim for that one confrontation, it spreads like a vine or ripples in a pond. It teaches lessons that are very detrimental. So when behavior is overlooked as "boys will be boys" it teaches boys that they can behave in a hurtful or inappropriate way because they are male. It teaches girls what? That they are held to some different standard? That men can behave badly because our society expects them to? What will that bring to teenage and adult relationships and future parenting? The (scary) possibilities are endless.
Kristina Brewington
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I was bullied for years because I was overweight. The most upsetting thing then and now is that the adults did nothing about it. If an adult is assaulted it is a serious crime but a child assaulting another is just kids being kids. I am glad that teachers are being held legally accountable for their failure to act. Their tacit approval through silence lends legitimacy. That's at the heart of the anti-gay bullying. These adults agree that gay or fat kids should be punished so they laugh silently behind their desks and say "oh, we had no idea!". Bull.
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I was among the many who were bullied in high school. The worst of it was that it started after I was victimized. I had my halter top yanked down in front of a group of boys I didn't like (and who were known bullies). I was too ashamed and intimidated to say anything for some time, and my girlfriend was too afraid to speak up. When I did tell my father, he talked to the perpetrator. It only made things worse. I tried to retaliate by turning in on of their friends for a prank, and it backfired. I was spit upon, had pennies lugged at me, and never knew who was going to turn on me next. It seemed like the permission to treat me as an object of abuse spread like wildfire. I and my parents tried to get help through the prinicipals and guidance counselor, but they turned a blind eye on this and shrugged it off as typical adolescent behavior. I didn't want to step outside of rules to defend myself...I knew my salvation lay in graduating, getting out of school and going on to college. I came very close to commiting suicide...to writing my note and setting up to do the act, but was able to walk away and get counseling. I was one of the lucky ones and had lots of family support. That time in my life is still very painful to reflect upon even 25 years later...but in the end I know I am more than that, and that adolescents are prone to LOTS of irrational behavior. We need leadership from the adults in school...to let the bullies know this behavior isn't okay and hold those responsible for their acts. They need to be punished and redirected. We don't do either the victims or the bullies any favors by igonring them. It teaches both groups poor coping skills and doesn't prepare them for successful adult life.
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Why can't we talk about just BULLYING is wrong for any reason? It doesn't matter if it's about sexual orientation or just because you are in the new kid in school. It's wrong, and teachers/educators/parents don't do enough about it.
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Absolutely! If we look at our world, from a global perspective, we see a country, the United States, that bullies the rest of the world. It is seen as acceptable in our schools, becomes acceptable in our society, and is transferred to our world. It is not addressed in childhood, and becomes a part of our makeup as adults. Yet the bottom line is: It is wrong!
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My memories: 5-10 grade 1960s
I was bullied probably because I was a boyish girl, fat and "teacher's pet.". All my girlfriends abandoned me at the end of 4th grade. After that girls were mean to me. I wasn't hit but I was verbally assaulted. Childhood was hellish and the only time I felt safe was when I was talking with my teachers. I learned to survive by avoiding others and hitting people with my purse when necessary. I don't remember telling any adults about these issues. Adults were always too busy and being a scaredy cat is not admirable. I was afraid until my junior year in high school when I finally gained some power as writer on my school newspaper.
What I learned was: Children have no positive morality. Childhood is something to survive. Children take pleasure where they can find it and it's pleasurable being cruel to others. Girls are as mean as boys but their cruelty is less visible.
One of the reasons I chose not to have children was because I found my own childhood almost unsurvivable (if it hadn't been for my childhood religious faith, I would have committed suicide when I first started thinking about it in 5th grade.)
Happy ending: what didn't kill me made me stronger and I am now a very happy and content middle aged professional.
I feel very sorry for all those kids being bullied but I don't see how one can change the "natural" cruelty of children. It seems hopeless to me.
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Wow, kakerino! My story and feelings are so similar to yours. I hated grade school (1-8) because everyone picked on me. I was different and got good grades.
I decided not to ever have children. Children are not innocent and naive. Rather they're mean and have no empathy.
I did not have a happy ending: 50 years later I'm still alone. It seems hopeless to me, too.
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To be at the wrong end of bullying is to be a recipient of a kind of torture. Bullying can sometimes include physical pain, but the cruelest aspect is the mental, teasing frustration, where the recipient feels stuck, boxed-in, rat-wheeled, with no apparent escape. A physical fight’s danger generally ends with the last blow, but the bully infects their victim with a persistent fear that lives on past the incident. When will the next time be? Even if the bully can no longer cause direct pain or abuse, the insecurity in the victim lingers and continues to do its corrosive damage.
It is easy to be repulsed by something like the torture of animals, or the bullying of them, because they are generally defenseless, but their defenselessness is inherent, they mentally and physically can often not fight back. While the torture of animals is atrocious its impact might not be as severe as the bullying of humans, because their consciousness is minor. When you bully the human they can fully grasp what is being done to them. They have a personality to infect, to destroy, to degrade, and they have a memory that retains the event in a literal way.
In many ways bullying could be said to be worse, when it comes from an equal, because the gravity might be enhanced. If the person is much older, or much stronger, then it is easier to comprehend how this could occur or even why, because they already have an inherent power over you. But, when it comes from someone like you, it makes the situation seem ever more hopeless. Because in a way you have the potential to fight back but couldn’t, or can’t muster the power, which leads to the feeling that perhaps you are inferior and truly rotten. 'Hopelessness' might be the key to the power of bullying, it defeats the personality, and if there is no hope and things seem dire, then why continue?
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Root cause of bullying?
I suppose it's part of the survival instinct to control the people around you. If you can subjugate everyone else, you're more secure. Did you ever see that poster (paraphrase 23rd psalm) that said, "Yea, though I walk thru the valley of death, I fear no evil, because I am the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the valley."
And it's not just in school. It's at work, in politics, marketing. Corporations and government. Within families.
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Emily dances ever so lightly around the problem of the religious "objections." That tiptoeing is part of the problem. Children are killing themselves because of the torment, torment that is expressly, overtly condoned and even promoted by those "religious objectors."
This is not a situation that has two sides, there is no other side to tormenting children to the point they kill themselves. There is no other way to say it - those people are defending the indefensible, claiming they have a right to torment our children. Call a spade a spade; to ignore or hide it only makes things worse.
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I am a psychologist. I got bullied as a kid because we moved a lot and I was the new kid in the school several times a year. However, what we called bullying then might almost be called "Love names" compared to what goes on in the schools now. It is not uncommon for me to be working with teens with anxiety disorders due to the name calling, the whispering and the way the kids will stare or look another kid up and down and then make comments.
I think that bullying has become an accepted way to establish dominance or to demonstrate ones intelligence or humor in our society. I see it on line on a daily basis on list serves. I believe that it has become acceptable because we see it on tv sit coms regularly accompanied by canned laughter and we hear a steady stream of it on talk radio as various hosts try to show their alpha dawg status.
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I had a horrible time in elementary and junior high school, too. I was locked in a locker in the elementary school gym locker room. It just made me more intraverted. I never told anyone since no one did anything when I was raped at 7, so didn't think anything would happen. (long story there)
Now, I always think about those things and the mean things kids did and said to me. It made me a much stronger adult...after I was able to get some self-esteem. No one would ever think that happened to me or would "allow" it. I'm lucky that my dad always gave me love and made me feel important at home. If I didn't have that, I don't know what would have happened.
The unfortunate thing is that most of the people that bullied me were in a "bad" home for those times (this was 40 years ago). These kids only had one parent, alcoholic parents, or neglectful parents. Bullying is a huge societal issue!
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Bullying also happens in school buses...last week I called the principal of the Lakeridge HS re: bullying in one of the bus including racial slurs, white power references and spitt balls...the bus driver was quite apathetic about it, the kids got talked to. I asked my son about the problem, guess what...still going on. So very sad.
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This is an essential topic as it is SO pervasive in every school. Our school has a Social Inclusion Policy where we have worked with an expert in bullying and teasing named Kim John Payne-www.thechildtoday.com . A very important part of dealing with bullying is to have the adults say "NO" to the behavior. I hope that someday it is mandated to have a bullying policy in all schools-I highly reccomend Kim Paynes work-Teresa
He has a booklet called "easing the teasing" on how to work with a child being teased that has helped my daughter.
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I would say the bullying I experienced in middle school changed my relationships with other girls/women. As it was a former friend that bullied me to seemingly prove herself to her new friends and it was very traumatic. She and I had been best friends and it felt like a betrayal. I find trusting women has been difficult since then.
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I was bullied in elementary and junior high school. I was afraid to stand up for myself for fear of repurcussions, however one day, I was going through a particularly sad time, I was late for class, I was cranky, and when the ringleader started in, I snapped back at her and verbally shut her down. To my great shock, she stopped. She never again bothered me and even became friendly in high school. I realized in that moment, that, like Dorothy, I had the power all along.
This taught me that there are two people responsible for bullying--the bullly and the victim. Humans are animals and they prey on the weak--the only way to stop it is to fight back by not allowing it to continue. As mothers, we want to shelter and comfort our children, but that only exacerbates the problem--bullying, like most other problems in life, must be taken head on. Problems like Columbine result from kids who are bullied yet not empowered to take their lives back--they are taught not to fight back and in worst case scenarios, pressure builds and builds until they snap and the anger and powerlessness floods out in horrible ways. If we teach kids how to safely stand up for themselves from the beginning, how to be firm and not taunted, bullying will no longer hold any power. It's a basic animal drive to dominate the weak--it's evolution, which is more powerful than any nice, evolved, progressive theory. The only way to stop bullying is for us to learn how not to be victims.
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I tried to impower my children by teaching them that any immediate retaliation was probably going to be seen and disciplined first. I also gave them permission to loudly call attention to the bully in class or on playground by yelling, "John, STOP touching my things/ pulling on my hair... etc " People would look at the bully first, taking attn off them. I told them that if they got in trouble for the yelling, I would come down and advocate for them.
In grade school, as a parent class volunteer, I also did lots of conflict resolution between my child and the other student at school, or later with the parent present when possible. This just takes TIME. Even when the school had an anti-bully program, the students were often told to try to resolve it first, leave the situation, call on a duty teacher. Reality was, watching 100 kids, the duty teacher did not have the time to resolve playground incidents. As
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I work for a national non-profit called Playworks. We bring the power of play to elementary schools to help improve health and learning by improving the school climate. We focus on rescuing recess to Stop Chaos, Shift Behavior and Accelerate Learning. Bullying can be a major issue especially during the recess time. This is our second year operating in Portland and we've expanded to 14 schools running full day, 9-5 programming, serving 6,000 students daily. From our principal and teacher surveys last year, 85% reported a decrease in bullying at recess. Playworks and the Power of Play represents a viable option to help teach important social/emotional/physical/academic skills at a young age to create schools and communities that are more respectful and inclusive.
-Jonathan Blasher, Playworks Portland
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Bullying is a symptom of being institutionalized. If one were to compare the homeschooled child to the one who are not part of an institution you will find that bullying is not an issue, unless, however, they have learned it from their parents. Bullying is a variation of a theme, reincarnating the power the teachers have over them into a form that gives them a sense of being a valid person who is capable of making their own decisions, even bad ones. One must look to the adult to understand the child's actions. What exactly are they being taught? The teachers are teaching them how to treat others. Take the train to Seattle with the homeschooled kids and you learn what is normal. Kids don't normally act silly and bully others.
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I have been around home schooled kids and they were some of the worst I've seen. But I think it was because their parents were Conservative Christians who followed the Old Testament god of punishment and the King solomon teaching "Spare the rod and spoil the child".
Trying to punish kids into desired behaviors only works when the punisher is around, but when they are not around the kids rebel and do weird physical and mental behaviors. Punishing kids establishes control externally and when that control is absent, the kids go out of control.
Positive parenting works. Positive reinforcement of desired behaviors put the control inside the kids self where it belongs. And I suppose that would be New Testament Jesus type teachings.
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Bullying is not a normal part of growing up! It is trained in by our US culture.
The people in Bali role model respect from the day a child is born and they don't have the bullying and other teen rebellion problems we have in the US. And the kids respect their parents.
The Balinese believe that the baby has just come from the side of god and so they don't allow the baby to touch the earth for something like 110 days because it is still so holy.
The Balinese have far more respect for their children than we do in the US. And we ought to learn from them.
We ought to study other cultures all around the world and learn from them, instead of just studying our US culture as if we are the way all of the rest of the world is. We don't make a very good show-up in regards to raising children and others have developed better ways that we can learn from.
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Back in the sixties in England three was teasing and bullying. One was considered mean and bullying more serious.
Teasing is probably a rite of passage that a young child needs to overcome (of course, many don't). I don't recall being teased to the point of mental anguish or if I was being affected by it until I graduated to high school.
In (the equivalent) of high school I was bullied. Physically, usually being picked upon, hit and beaten up by the school thugs.
This had an adverse affect that has taken many years to overcome. Several years after I left that school, in conversation with a school friend, it came out that my mother was responsible.
Mum had (still has!) an unfortunate lack of control on her opinions and she would gossip about my contemporaries families. This got back to those families and that was why I was a target.
As this discovery occured many years after the events I still love my mom. But it was an eye-opener.
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Please check out the organization "Girls Inc"-when girl power hurts-relational aggression. There are things to do for both "bully" and "victim" ( I do not like these labels!) . Adults HAVE to be and stay involved.
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How about "aggressor" and "target" then?
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It absolutely starts with the family and home! No question. It's correct that we all have something of a survival instinct within us, but cruelty is not something babies are born with. Hatred isn't preprogrammed. It is learned from what is heard, given, watched, absorbed, and instilled either directly or indirectly.
Parents and others in a child's life absolutely have the power to model compassion and empathy. The power of example and open and honest discussion is incredible. My own children were unschooled and the differences I have seen between them and other non-schooled kids versus schooled kids is dramatic. We have all the tools. We just aren't using them! I think people want a quick fix for this issue, and that's just not realistic. Bullying is a symptom of much larger things. We have to change how we parent and educate, forever, in order to bring change.
Kristina Brewington
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I agree. Often the student bully has a bully mom or dad. As a public educator our young teachers and or administrators cave into the aggressive parental behavior. Administrators are "too nice" these days and need to enforce the Oregon Anti-Bullying law. Ask your school principal who the building contact is. Have they informed students? Demand they follow this law signed by our governor in July of 2009. Districts were given one year to get a plan in place. It usually takes a lawsuit to wake them up! Our kids deserve to be safe and to be whoever they are! Speak up! Call or email your school administrator. Change happens when you tell them it is the law!
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Just listen to any of the Conservative talk shows, they teach bullying by role modeling it.
And I remember reading and listening to William F Buckley Jr, one of the Conservative heroes. He had a great grasp of large and uncommon words and he would use them to intellectually bully the people he talked to. But his arguments did not hold water when you sorted them out, they were just all fancy pretty words used to obscure the reality of what he advocated. The saying was, "Buckley would baffle 'em with BS".
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Tom:
Concerning conservatives-- I've gotten the impression over the years that the basic philosophy of Conservatism is: reduce regulation/ allow free market/ natural selection/ strong flourish,weak perish/ bully them into submission.
Do you think this is an accurate picture (or have I just been bullied into submission)?
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mikejb:
That's about my read on it also. They have a mistaken interpretation of Darwins idea of "survival of the fittest".
Conservatism has its roots back in the time of kings, nobles, and feudalism, when they gave themselves permission to abuse people because they were "divinely entitled" to rule others and grab all of the wealth and power. And so they taught that the common folk were naturally bad and needed to be beaten down and intimidated into subservience. And when those common folks rebelled against that abuse, that fear-mongering and intimidation, well that was considered proof that the people were inherently bad.
Conservatives gripe about how bad the French Revolution "Reign of Terror" was and hold it up as proof that the lower classes are bad and completely ignore what the king and nobles had done to deserve such retaliation. They mistreated the people. In effect, the king and nobles had waged a longer and slower "Reign of Terror" over many many years, against their "subjects".
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On Bullying, I do not think the issue was not adequately addressed. You did have the example of the school principle intervening successfully in one of the stories. That was an expression of positive leadership. In the same way that a company or institution is held responsible for the negative atmosphere in which sexual harassment can take place, the same is true for Bulling in a school environment. The leadership in a school is held by the staff and administration. The wider scope of this issue is that bulling is reflected in the TV reality shows and passed off as good drama. It’s nothing new to our culture to exhibit bad behavior, but to become a forward evolving “civilized” society our ability to create a safe place to learn and become socialized citizens takes place in those years of elementary and middle school. Wil
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If children have not been taught how to cooperate to meet their needs, they will compete; wether it is for a toy or status. Without adult involvement, the competition starts to look pretty much like; dominate or be dominated, or; participate in the domination of others or risk the same.
If there are other issues - needs not being met at home, proxy wars in the adult community, anger, pain(s), etc. - putting someone else down, often feels a little better than not. This can become an addictive obsession for the 'strongest' kid in a group, (especially if they have many other things going wrong in there life). A pecking order can quickly develop, with the 'bully' in charge.
It's great to have insightful adults to read the dynamics in a given situation and act to help turn things around. I have also seen insightful students with strong bodies, set the tone in a situation where a bullying dynamic would likely happen without them.
Every incident is a teachable moment if you have the insight and the power. Lots of teachers don't have the insight, even though they have the power. -
For those in the Portland area:
A FRANK CONVERSATION:
KIDS AND TEENS SPEAK UP ABOUT BULLYING
Actress/ Producer Katie O’Grady works with teens and kids as an acting coach in Portland; after reading a barrage of news stories on kids killing themselves, because they were bullied, she decided to give those who have survived the experience a way to speak up. On October 23rd Katie will host a FRANK CONVERSATION with local NW kids and teens about their experience with bullying.
Film Director James Westby will capture the collective voice on film. The footage gathered may be used in a dramatic short film Katie is producing on teen bullying. Their hope is to have teens/kids speak up about what they have seen or experienced. Katie says, “I know it’s hard to gather with strangers and share such a personal topic, but it is so important to get the word out, even if it’s to help someone else being picked on at school. So much can be done to help; the first step is to speak up.”
BACKSPACE has offered their coffee shop for the event where everyone is welcome to stop in, grab a cookie and coffee, and hang out….even if they do not wish to speak personally about their experience. This is a chance to honor those that have struggled to survive a day in school.
RSVP to speak on camera: listentomepdx@gmail.com (if you can’t make it, feel free to email your bully story).
More info: A FRANK CONVERSATION invite is accessible on Facebook.
Please join us THIS SATURDAY, OCT. 23rd 3:30-7:00pm
LOCATION IS BACKSPACE: 125 5TH PORTLAND 97209
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So much about bullying in the schools has to do with the adults involved. Training is becoming adequate for teachers and other staff in the schools and for bus drivers on the school buses to intervene. What is missing is action from administrations to follow-through, to confront. These retreat when bullied by the parents of bullies. So often the target, or the teacher or the bus driver adequately confront only to be sideswiped by administration action refusing to confront the adult bullies, the child’s parents’. The skills of administrators to confront seem easily overwhelmed by their own fears of being mobbed. They present an intellectual’s concept of a tough action while inside continually look for excuses and escapes, including escape by blaming the target or other adult staff. Bullies (both children and adults) first steal power from their targets and use that power against those targets. Weak administrator actions invite mobbing. Until administrations learn to steal back the power the bullies have stolen and return it to the targets, including adult staff, the bullies prevail. Bullies these days are more committed to keeping stolen power than are the owners of that power willing to take it back. We loose teachers and have a chronic school bus driver shortage in this country not because of the kids, and that includes the bullies, but more so because of administrations that fail to support their adult staff, in reality often blame excellent staff for an administration’s own failures. An administration's lack of skill to confront the hostile, watered down remedies, and fearfulness, can for the rest of us turn a work to love in to a job to hate. Do not be deceived in to thinking the kids are the problem. Stop bullying now video introductory: http://www.youtube.com/user/2safeschools
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I am being bullied in school right now and in turn I feel like I have to take it out on other kids.
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I was bullied in grade school and junior high school. When I would attempt to defend myself, I would be the one to get suspended, and the others (who shall remain un-named) would be allowed to remain in school. I never saw the logic of this, and still bear hard feelings toward certain of the staff at Yolanda Elementary and Briggs Junior High (now Middle) School, in Springfield (District 19). Because of this, I feel like I did not do as well in school as I might have.